The history of successful treatment of multiple Personality Disorder has been a long and drown out process with little results over the years. In order to treat a patient, as a doctor one needs to “know” everything about the mentally challenged patient they are dealing with. The complexities and intricacies of an insane deranged mind often overtakes therapy sessions as the total lack of rationale takes over.
The difficulty has always been to actually get in touch with the various personalities and profiles locked up within one crazy mind. Up until now we have had to have long drown out couch sessions and many many hours of logged taped conversations to be able to actually get to communicate with our patients Multiple Personalities.
Conversations would be recorded and eventually transcribed along the lines of the example supplied to us as follows
Doctor: Who am I speaking to now
Patient: Oh doctor, doctor give me the news…. I’m Tony here.
Doctor: Oh hello Tony, is Andy there?
Patient: oh no he is out stalking Nina at the moment. Would you like to talk to Estella?
Doctor: No, no it’s ok Tony, I’ll talk to you. Tell me how you are feeling Tony?
Patient: (higher voice) oh dear doctor, How are you? Come to talk about the facts of the case have you. I am Andy’s Lawyer you know. *Petulant high falsetto* Doctor you never called me, I had those recipes that you asked for when I was in Bermuda.
Doctor: (*sigh*) Hello Estella, I was talking to Tony, can I talk to tony again please.
Patient: (high falsetto) You want me doctor. You are obsessed with me doctor, not like that slut Laura. I had a dream about you last night.
Doctor: (*bigger sigh*) Can I please talk to Tony Estella. I need to talk to Tony.
Patient: You are a stalker Doc, even Laura says you are a stalker.
Doctor: Why would you say that Estella. I thought you liked talking to me?
Patient: (Deeper voice with heavy fake mid eastern accent) I know where you live Doctor. I am coming to put a lighted shit bomb on your front door and hunt you down. I defeceate over all of your pictures you know.
Doctor: (*groans*) oh how are you today Vindictive P, you do not sound happy.
So you get the idea. Imagine transcribing that shit. You would fall asleep after ten minutes and even after you had logged 50 hours you still would not have got anywhere.
See multiple Personality Disorder Patients are very sly and sneaky.
To be frank, just between you and me,
THEY LIE A LOT.
They also think they are smarter than the average bear so they like to trick and deceive the doctors trying to treat them. The get belligerent and non compliant which makes them very hard to treat. Most doctors just dose them up on the Anti Psychotic pills and pop them in a nice padded room in a comfy straight jacket.
All that has now changed. Professors of psychiatry at Gluthlaxton College
in the UK and the adjoining Sanatorium for the criminally insane have made a ground breaking discovery that heralds a breakthrough in the treatment of the multiple personality disorder and the criminally inane insane.
Working in close conjunction with Scientist Dirty Sally and graduates of the Open University, an elite study team has begun a world first for treatment of these poor lost souls suffering multiple splits in their personalities.
Using a patient from the Leicester Institute for the Criminally Insane who has been classified and deemed untreatable, doctors undertook an amazing new observation and treatment method which actually makes the patient do the work for the doctors and saves on hundreds of hours transcribing and interpreting well, shit.
Patient A was originally arrested naked apart from a large beige girdle around his rather flabby waist, partly submerged in his bathtub after slashing his mother to death with an empty vodka bottle after a drunken binge which caused acute liver failure in the patient.
Patient A was deemed unfit to stand trial after being classified as criminally insane and totally demented beyond repair.
The Brilliant minds of Professors Eric Brooks, Kelly Jo, Badlisa, Mayet, Linda, Belladonna, Gina Bishery and the world renowned esteemed genius, Chad360, brainstormed Patient A’s treatment and decided to set him free from the institute in a guinea pig experiment that would either make or break the team.
It made them. It made them world famous and rich beyond your wildest comprehension. It is believed that the team is under consideration for the Nobel Prize this year not only in Medicine but in Science, mathematics, Cookery and Peace too.
Patient A was weaned off his large psycho tropic drug intake and taken to a basement apartment in a dismal inner city street. Bottles of vodka and other mind altering substances were made available to patient A along with a brand New Computer System hooked up at high speeds to the Internet.
Gay porn was loaded on to the computer and “mules” were hired to cyber interact with Patient A without his knowledge of their real intentions, which was to guide Patient A into revealing the warped and twisted rotting foetid festering mess of an insane mind for the records once and for all.
The Perfect Answer and Solution to all Needs
“We figured if we just gave him a myspace profile and let him run free, we would soon see the results we wanted without us having to lift a finger to do any work. He did it all for us. Easiest simpleton to fool ever” – Dr E Brooks Professor EPsychiatry.
Highly trained professional profilers contacted Patient A disguised as various young and wholesome women, who deceived the patient and slowly nudged him into creating his first Myspace profile.
The team at this stage was hopeful of complete success as they observed Patient A relax his guard and show more of his twisted personality. Not long after Patient A was encouraged by these “women” into creating fake profiles on myspace to suit his various personalities and that is when the experiment then became a run away success.
The study team just sat back and watched as patient A revealed all. At the same time Patient A was actually cataloging and recording his own lunatic behaviour by each word of vitriol he typed. The team was astounded at the interaction and insane lunacy of the various personalities that Patient A displayed. Patient A displayed an acute hatred of women, stemming from the rejection by his mother and an extreme racist, homophobic viewpoint and stance. The information that the patient revealed from a twisted deranged mind was incredible and a goldmine to the researchers involved.
The study team soon realized the jackpot they had stumbled on to and they quickly shared their experiment and observations for peer review by colleges in the USA, Canada and Australia.
A phenomena was born with Patient A being the unwitting dimwitted subject of a worldwide research joke as each different institute experimented and tested their various theories and ideas on the subject..
The results are outstanding. Just look at the madman. Myspace has allowed him to lay his twisted soul bare for all to see the inner workings of a non-rational insane mind.
The entire experiment was deemed a great success and has now been
discontinued as the researchers go onto bigger and better things.
Meanwhile Patient A is still a lost cause and the one thing that the
experiment did disclose is Patient A’s total lack of anything
positive, worthwhile or likeable.
Patient A is to be decommissioned and returned
to the factory marked as a failure at life.
Merry Christmas you twisted fuck!!
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