Ode To The Dunny

I walk out the back in the dead of the night
To the little dark room with a dim overhead light
I hurry inside and then shut the door
and pick up my book that sits on the floor

I pull down my pants and with a great sigh
And a rip and a tear I then let it fly
I stare at my book but find I can’t see
I feel my insides are being stung by a bee

I moan and I groan and I fart and I roar
I’m sure they can hear me right over next door
As I sit on my throne I look all around
And snort a bit more as I add to my mound

I never knew really I had eaten that much
I swear to god on the food I’ll not touch
I beg and I plead as I pass out my inside
As waves of great pain take me on a rough ride

I then look around as I finish my job
And in high distress I let out a great sob
I peer at the wall to the hang of a nail
Where sits the bum roll I bought at a sale

My face falls as fast as my poop on the mound
Suddenly I yell out in a deafening sound
Oh no please not me and not at this time
I’ve run out of paper with my butt full of grime

I look madly around while I squeal out loud
As gas from my pile rises in an odorous cloud
I look at the floor and I see that its clean
Oh when will I awaken from this very bad dream

My head goes all foggy and it shakes in a daze
I glance down at my book in a jack daniels haze
It was an old classic a leather bound Peter Pan
But it wasn’t much help right here in the can

I yell out for someone for anyone to help
But no one answers not even my dog’s yelp
With a great sigh I grimace and hug my book tight
Bye bye my baby but I need help with my plight

I close my eyes tight and grab hold of the book
And tear out the pages right through captain Hook
I pucker my bum and give one last push
And screw up my face as I rub at my tush

waves of pain wash over and tears fall from my eyes
it’s shredding the skin off from my delicate thighs
I cry and I moan and sweat runs from my brow
I honestly feel I have bum birthed a cow

It’s time to stand up and go face the world
With a look on my face like it’s dinner I hurled
I zip myself up and push down the pain
I think it’s enough to drive me insane

I start to exit with a much smaller stride
my cheeks squeeze together in agony to hide
With all of that gone I don’t feel such a blimp
I start to walk out with a bandy legged limp

The pain doesn’t stop for hours on end
it will be some time before my bum’s on the mend
So the moral of this one is simple you see
Make sure you’ve got paper before you go pee

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