42 reflections

Appar­ent­ly Tom missed my birth­day on the 21st of Novem­ber so many of my friends also missed my huge event….

I final­ly made it .. 42 years old…. the mean­ing of life.. and tru­ly I can say the mean­ing of life is clos­er than it ever has been for me.

Mt Keira tak­en from my favourite Moun­tain the world. Mt Nebo-
I grew up on the foothills of Mt Keira and Nebo. Keira is one of the twin sen­tinel moun­tains of Wol­lon­gong.

This years going to be the year of changes for me. Plans are in the mak­ing for me to leave the farm and to trav­el many more miles back home. It is easy said than done and there is quite a few walls and obsta­cles put in front of me. Ulti­mate­ly I want to be home with my fam­i­ly. I want to be near my par­ents so they can spend more time with their grand-kids. I want to be near my daugh­ter.

I want to be near my children’s fam­i­lies so that they can spend time with their cousins and aun­ties and uncles. I want to be near to my friends, the friends who have been there for me for many many years. I want to be near the sea again. I want the sea breeze in my face and the moun­tain at my back. I want to feel the sand between my toes at the “mag­ic beach” I want to be able to go and buy milk at 3am. I want to dri­ve to the beach. I want to sit by the har­bour and eat ice Cream or fish and Chips with my kids. I want to go swim­ming iwth them in the rock pools. I want to go fish­ing off the jet­ties and rocks, alone with my thoughts. I want Shay­la to start Opera lessons and take steps towards her dreams of being an Opera singer. I want Kalean to find his niche in life. I want Brodie to get his help to get through life a lit­tle less alien for him. I want to go out to din­ner at a Mex­i­can Restau­rant. I want to be a part of the city but still retain the coun­try. I want my chil­dren to share the mag­ic that I expe­ri­enced. I want my chil­dren to learn and see the beau­ty of this land.

I want to vis­it my sister’s grave and sit in the peace and qui­et of the lush green hills sur­round­ing it. I want to ride on the back of a Harley again *grins* and pos­si­bly buy my own Harley. I want to explore. I want to have fun. I want to enjoy my fam­i­ly and friends. I want to be free from hate and hurt and sad­ness. I want to be free from tears of ter­ror.

The city of Wol­lon­gong and the ocean from Mt Nebo

My mother’s recent cri­sis slapped me in the face. I do not want to dwell on regrets so the best chance I have is to make my life what I want to make it. It is my life, the only one I have got. I can’t get anoth­er chance at it all and I fig­ure that a hap­py life is much bet­ter than being sad and down all the time. Or even dragged down.

Mt Kem­bla From mt Nebo. Mt Kem­bla is the oth­er twin sen­tinel. The two moun­tains with Mt Nebo in the mid­dle over­look Wol­lon­gong

I can’t ever go back to that cri­sis point where I made the choice that I did that polar­ized me through the gates of hell but I do now have the chance to move for­ward with some spe­cial peo­ple back in my life. I can’t take back the last 16 years but I can cer­tain­ly make the next 16 years hap­py and con­tent.

Mum is out of hos­pi­tal. She has two blocked arter­ies to her heart and her blood pres­sure still goes up and down like a yo yo. She is too weak to oper­ate so the heart spe­cial­ist is hop­ing that med­ica­tion can help unclog the arter­ies. Mum’s kid­ney are dam­aged but still work­ing.. to an extent..

The doc­tors couldn’t under­stand why mum didn’t have a stroke last week. They said she had the high­est blood pres­sure that they have seen 300 over 160. Mum is still weak and finds it exhaust­ing to car­ry out the sim­plest tasks.

Swan Lake – An hour south of Wol­lon­gong

So yeah.. I want to be clos­er to mum….

Edit 22nd March 2025 
My tears are the fuel that fans the flames of my anger. 
I had 10 more years with mum, 1000 miles apart.  Saint Frances Fay of The South, the perfect mother who wasn't. 
"I love you mum, thank you, you are my heart, without you, there would be no heart. I miss you".  <3 Mum died on Beltane eve, which is Samhain in the south - Swan Lake  End Edit

I want I want I want.. self­ish ain’t I ……

42 is the point where I look back and reflect and use every­thing I have learned to move for­ward into sun­shine.

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Edit 22nd March 2025
I worked up the top of Mt Keira as a teenag­er full time at the look­out. It was fan­tas­tic, the view out­side over the Pacif­ic. It would shine and sparkle of a morn­ing ear­ly with life and a hint of after­world shim­mer. I loved that job and that is some­thing I did­n’t often say because I got bored real fast once I knew some­thing. Rep­e­ti­tion is not my thing.

I rode motor­bikes (ear­li­er for that one) and  spent many a day and hour just wan­der­ing here and wan­der­ing there on the moun­tains. There was coal mines all over and amaz­ing wildlife.

Oth­er days we would skip school and adven­ture through the drains and tun­nels under the high­way to get to the beach or the pin­ball par­lour “flash­backs or Jacks” for the day.

Lat­er Kei­th the swan and I lived on Mt Nebo foothills at Figtree we spent many an hour explor­ing the tracks on the moun­tains and just sit­ting for hours on the top of Mt Nebo at night and day look­ing over the city, the sea and the steel­works.

That was my life, between the moun­tains and the sea.

End Edit

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Wol­lon­gong Har­bour with Mt Keira vis­i­ble in Back­ground

mayet

Mir­ror Mir­ror on the wall, Who is the Faer­est of us all? The Truth are we in the skies you see, The Bal­ance of Fire And Water is Elek­tric­i­ty.

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Author: mayet

Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who is the Faerest of us all? The Truth are we in the skies you see, The Balance of Fire And Water is Elektricity. View all posts by mayet