Why the Grinch is Green

Why The Grinch is Green
*Note Starring John and Joko as The Grinch
(he wouldn’t give me any pics the mean little green cabbage fart)

Once upon a moonlit night
or so the story said
a grinch was born in Christmas town
right down in the garden bed

No-one knew who the heck his mom was
to say nothing of his dad
he lay there in the cabbage patch
that squealing green skinned lad

The Easter bunny found him
when he was munching on some corn
he said he heard some strange grunts
then from a cabbage the Grinch was born

Then the elves from Christmas Town
all came down to see the boy
He was now swaddled in a manger
three wise men bought him a toy

The elves they turned there eyes away
from the glowing green skin glaze
He was given to the tooth fairy
a bright green kid for him to raise

Some say he may have changed in time
with a diet that was just right
but that Tooth Fairy as he was
never came home of a night

So the Grinch was left to feed himself
and the menu choice was few
The Grinch wouldn’t eat the carrots
so he was left with the Cabbage stew

Of course we have all heard the same stories
of private matters about the bum
The next day the grinch would fart so much
That a herd of flies would come

None of the elves did play with him
from upon their nose they looked down
stared upon that green skinned kid
and on their faces was a frown

They were afraid of anyone different
so the Grinch stood all alone
those cold nights out in the snow
with only a kennel for a home

The elves were warm inside their shed
They all laughed around the fire
The Grinch was just a guard dog
“rent a cop” security for hire

As the Grinch grew much older
his skin glowed more and more
all this gooey green shit
kept on oozing out his pores

See underneath the garden bed
was Superman’s North pole hideaway
The Ice cave his daddy left him
where he often came to stay

The Green Glow was the Krptonite
that he funnelled up the ground
right up to the garden bed
the toxic waste was spread right round

So the grinch was radioactive
and set the counters off the scale
Phosphorus and luminous
he is the outcast in this tale

The lad grew sadder and sadder
as he grew so lonely there
he was smart and he was nice
but they didn’t like his spikey hair

Those other elves were cheeky
there was games they liked to play
They would rock the roof of the kennel
and throw reindeer shit at his sleigh

Well, as the Grinch grew older
to himself he had to turn
the blows and the hard knocks in life
were the lessons that he learned

the lad was starved of mother’s love
and cuddles through the night
of story time and bathes so hot
and beds tucked in snug and tight

So the Grinch developed a persona
a shell to hide his soft insides
he hunched his back and turned so grim
and all the elves would run and hide

He yelled and stamped and bullied
picking on tiny elves all day
he wrote mean things and drama blogs
and tore a few new assholes on the way

He was nasty to them all
and he had no favorites
anyway who strayed in front
the grinch would jump to get

So they named the Grinch Old Crabby
and here he is too stay
picking here and picking there
in his mean and nasty way

But deep down inside crabby
is a soft a sweet little guy
for the grinch is really loveable
and never tells a lie

so now we get to the finish
of this little grinchy tale
of a mean and grunpy grinch
who is a hot and horny male

So stay tuned into Santa
for more story time and fun
because the grinch stole Christmas
and that tale is still to come