Why the Grinch is Green

Why The Grinch is Green
*Note Star­ring John and Joko as The Grinch
(he would­n’t give me any pics the mean lit­tle green cab­bage fart)

Once upon a moon­lit night
or so the sto­ry said
a grinch was born in Christ­mas town
right down in the gar­den bed

No-one knew who the heck his mom was
to say noth­ing of his dad
he lay there in the cab­bage patch
that squeal­ing green skinned lad

The East­er bun­ny found him
when he was munch­ing on some corn
he said he heard some strange grunts
then from a cab­bage the Grinch was born

Then the elves from Christ­mas Town
all came down to see the boy
He was now swad­dled in a manger
three wise men bought him a toy

The elves they turned there eyes away
from the glow­ing green skin glaze
He was giv­en to the tooth fairy
a bright green kid for him to raise

Some say he may have changed in time
with a diet that was just right
but that Tooth Fairy as he was
nev­er came home of a night

So the Grinch was left to feed him­self
and the menu choice was few
The Grinch would­n’t eat the car­rots
so he was left with the Cab­bage stew

Of course we have all heard the same sto­ries
of pri­vate mat­ters about the bum
The next day the grinch would fart so much
That a herd of flies would come

None of the elves did play with him
from upon their nose they looked down
stared upon that green skinned kid
and on their faces was a frown

They were afraid of any­one dif­fer­ent
so the Grinch stood all alone
those cold nights out in the snow
with only a ken­nel for a home

The elves were warm inside their shed
They all laughed around the fire
The Grinch was just a guard dog
“rent a cop” secu­ri­ty for hire

As the Grinch grew much old­er
his skin glowed more and more
all this gooey green shit
kept on ooz­ing out his pores

See under­neath the gar­den bed
was Super­man’s North pole hide­away
The Ice cave his dad­dy left him
where he often came to stay

The Green Glow was the Krp­tonite
that he fun­nelled up the ground
right up to the gar­den bed
the tox­ic waste was spread right round

So the grinch was radioac­tive
and set the coun­ters off the scale
Phos­pho­rus and lumi­nous
he is the out­cast in this tale

The lad grew sad­der and sad­der
as he grew so lone­ly there
he was smart and he was nice
but they did­n’t like his spikey hair

Those oth­er elves were cheeky
there was games they liked to play
They would rock the roof of the ken­nel
and throw rein­deer shit at his sleigh

Well, as the Grinch grew old­er
to him­self he had to turn
the blows and the hard knocks in life
were the lessons that he learned

the lad was starved of moth­er’s love
and cud­dles through the night
of sto­ry time and bathes so hot
and beds tucked in snug and tight

So the Grinch devel­oped a per­sona
a shell to hide his soft insides
he hunched his back and turned so grim
and all the elves would run and hide

He yelled and stamped and bul­lied
pick­ing on tiny elves all day
he wrote mean things and dra­ma blogs
and tore a few new ass­holes on the way

He was nasty to them all
and he had no favorites
any­way who strayed in front
the grinch would jump to get

So they named the Grinch Old Crab­by
and here he is too stay
pick­ing here and pick­ing there
in his mean and nasty way

But deep down inside crab­by
is a soft a sweet lit­tle guy
for the grinch is real­ly love­able
and nev­er tells a lie

so now we get to the fin­ish
of this lit­tle grinchy tale
of a mean and grun­py grinch
who is a hot and horny male

So stay tuned into San­ta
for more sto­ry time and fun
because the grinch stole Christ­mas
and that tale is still to come