My life as a clown

I’ve heard it myself ………They say that Clowns are sad fucks.

Well I’m here today to tell you it’s true. We are.

Oh don’t wor­ry I AM A clown, just ask any­one that knows me in real life. My kids call me a clown dai­ly. I am always pulling faces and doing tricks for them and pulling pranks on them to make them laugh. When I go out with my friends I keep them in hys­ter­ics all night with my antics. The drunk­er THEY get, the fun­nier I get. For­got to add, I don’t drink, my Brava­do is not found by using beer gog­gles….

Even though in many ways I am an incred­i­bly shy, self reflec­tive qui­et per­son, put me in com­pa­ny that needs a gig­gle to bright­en up their lives and I will have them wet­ting my pants…. and if there is anoth­er clown in the room with me….. well we just bounce… cre­ativ­i­ty sparks to life……

Well the amaz­ing thing I have dis­cov­ered is that when I am at my low­est and sad­dest, a sur­vival mech­a­nism kicks in, I cre­ate LOL’s and smiles and all things fun and then I use that to draw ener­gy into me and use it, to sur­vive anoth­er day, to stand up and breathe and to take a step fur­ther into the dark cave I am jour­ney­ing.

As fast as my cup gets emp­tied by life’s pain, I do my utmost to keep ener­gy flow­ing back in. Some times that cup is long dry and then a spark, an acknowl­edg­ment, a laugh from some­one comes to me and that tiny drop revives life and restores me to a con­di­tion that I can keep going on… it gives me the air to breathe.

It is almost like a spir­it orgasm.. I get off on mak­ing peo­ple smile and see­ing them laugh and be hap­py… it warms the cock­les of my wid­dle heart that late­ly has been grow­ing cold­er by the day… noth­ing will make me smile. I have noth­ing to smile about oth­er than to see oth­ers smile…  thats not a pity me request either… it is a truth­ful state­ment of “clown­ship” the secret code of a true clown…..

I find at this moment for as deep a my pain cuts, as low I have sunk in the quag­mire we call life, my cre­ative ener­gy and pos­i­tive out­put actu­al­ly equals the depths. My ris­es are just as high as the low points are low. The work I cre­ate at these times stuns me when I look back at it lat­er.. Did I do that? Did I cre­ate that? and that gives me more ener­gy to work with..

and its those pos­i­tives in my life that then make me real­ize how well off I tru­ly am .. I CAN cre­ate.. it is a gift I trea­sure.. because that very act of cre­ation bal­ances up all the destruc­tion.

I have a new admi­ra­tion for clowns today.. a deep­er appre­ci­a­tion of who they real­ly are inside…. they still scare me though….. but then I have a deep­er under­stand­ing of that fear too.. it is once again a gen­uine admi­ra­tion of all things clown and a healthy respect for the dark­er mind of a clown………don’t ever fuck with a clown…  and don’t ever fuck with his LOL’s ……….please see ALL of the above for expla­na­tion…

The orig­i­nal Clown that every oth­er clown in the world has mold­ed and shaped their work on.

Author: mayet

Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who is the Faerest of us all? The Truth are we in the skies you see, The Balance of Fire And Water is Elektricity. View all posts by mayet