Category: Word of Lama

red and yel­low and pink and blue
pur­ple and orange and crim­son too
and then there is the col­or for­got
the vital aqua aura just for you

To Be Pub­lished here 18 Jan­u­ary 2025

The Touch of a Feed­er

to be pub­lished here 21 Jan­u­ary 2025

Avatar & Adven­tures of the Arch of The Crow

The Crow

To be Pub­lished 21st Jan­u­ary 2025
some­times I CAN be ear­ly

You know those peo­ple that look at you as if they want to eat you? They do

Place Mark­er to be pub­lished 12 Jan­u­ary 2025

Com­ing 11/January/2025

Type — Mas­ter of Illu­sion
Oth­er Names — False Fool
— Wan­der­ing Weaver

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on new years night i was feel­ing pret­ty good. Rains had cleared and I had gone back to the bill­abong.. I even took my neigh­bour Paul there to show him what the flood­wa­ters had done to the bill­abong on my evening vis­it. ooh that reminds me, I tried to tape that day but could­n’t because after I would ask paul if he could be qui­et while I taped, each time he would start talk­ing in his “weave” so I gave up.

I said “I asked you to be qui­et while I was tap­ing, it was only for a minute but you could­nt respect that. I knew he was high but he was­nt bad­ly high, I have seen him worse. but he was “weav­ing” and I could see it. At that time, it was some­thing curi­ous to me but it was­n’t until after the events of the “Green Man” and I spoke to oth­er women, that knowl­edge turned into under­stand­ing.

So let me tell you about the Green Man, the mas­ter of illu­sion. But first here is that dude clip failed 9 sec­onds in by some­one who’s one job was to not talk for a minute. Pauly has no car through a com­e­dy of self enforced errors. His big nis­son 4wd died from a seri­ous lack of care. I could­n’t believe it last­ed that long with the nois­es and hiss­ing and fart­ing and cough­ing it did.

After I called him on not being qui­et while I was tap­ing, he got all petu­lant and start­ed mock­ing me “oh she was tap­ing she said” he reached out his arm to me and then pulled it back say­ing ” oh don’t touch me, that’s right she said not to touch her” and he looked at me and said, well I am going for a swim then and he turned his back to me and walked to the side of the bill­abong.

This was a big key and will unrav­el in this and part 2 and 3. ” Oh dont touch me, that’s right, she said not to touch her”.

he was “weav­ing” and I was­n’t tun­ing in and he stood in the water and was talk­ing to him­self and he said “I am just going to put you on my back and we will go through here and do this”

I said “Stop Pauly, I do not care if you are jok­ing being real or in some fan­ta­sy­land, I ride no mans, no wom­an’s, no any­one’s back, i might ride near you for a bit like this adven­ture but I ride alone, you know that. Respect that and please do not try and attach me. Now i am leav­ing in a about five mins. I want to go home”.

“oh don’t touch me, don’t touch me, don’t touch me” Fine I will stay here and pray in silence. he said ..

that half mad­ness of talk­ing and half com­mu­ni­ca­tion made me think i was going mad about my bound­aries.. was I being too stiff and self right­eous? Should I just relax and ignore my instincts?

I’m think­ing great please do be silent PUHLEESE .. so Paul starts pray­ing .. and there is no silence at my bill­abong .. Pauly is pray­ing out loud, like min­is­ter on the pulp­shit loud. So loud that even the cows on the oth­er side of the riv­er pad­docks could hear every word as they slow­ly chewed their cud and con­tem­plat­ed the loud­ly orat­ing Green­man.

he’s get­ting loud­er and loud­er .. and now he’s look­ing from the side to see if i am lis­ten­ing.. WTF­tard head game is this?

How could I not lis­ten to that drone. Pauly’s voice had tak­en on a strange sharp­ness now .….…  he was talk­ing to his father god about some lady he vis­it­ed ..

I just thought/presumed that shit gets me every time)that he meant old Bar­bara in num­ber 14 who he gets all dressed up to the nines to go and have din­ner with ..

he was kiss­ing his cru­ci­fix around his neck while he was talk­ing what i call green man “fan­ta­sy weav­ing” about this “lady” he vis­its and him apol­o­giz­ing to her if his “father” could help him and for­give him. and how he had done this lady wrong and then it flipped into him lik­ing this lady that he did wrong to and he need­ed his fatehrs help to for­give him and help this lady to like him..but it was all up to father..
ahhh dafuq?

I’m stand­ing there at my Zen bill­abong, think­ing fuck this i don’t need to hear your fake ass prayers .. or “the weave” that you are try­ing to catch me in.

so I wan­dered upstream a bit to move away from him and he got loud­er .. none of it made sense, how­ev­er but the few things that did make sense, seemed to be more about me with key bits about me, then he would switch to her, and then back to me and I’m think­ing wtf now its me he’s talk­ing about.. I realise now the fix­a­tion  of a preda­tor and those key links that peo­ple miss, I missed until now that are the dan­ger for peo­ple, espe­cial­ly those bought up with man­ners. That Tol­er­ance Para­dox again. Accep­tance over bound­aries.

Back at the bill­abong, I just could­n’t get away from his voice and his “weave” ..if I turned to go up one track he would turn and start “pray­ing” at the direc­tion.

I felt an intan­gi­ble dark threat that I had­n’t felt before so I walked over to my car and said come on Pauly i am going home now and I got in nitro jumped in and i start­ed the car..

He turned and stared at me, still lean­ing on the tree next to the water, he did that for about 30 sec­onds and then final­ly came over to snow but she would­n’t get in the car so he start­ed to get real­ly angry with her which made her back off more

That sur­prised me to see the anger and look­ing back on it now, there is still some­thing I miss­ing in my pic­ture. She final­ly got in and I drove off, he start­ed straight away but I shut him off and said Pauly I just want to get home i am tired and its din­ner time.

He start­ed again but this time on how pushy I was to rush him home after I had invit­ed him, and how he could­n’t go for a swim now because of my “bad mood” and I was being a cunt. A year ago I would of tak­en that onboard and thought I was being a cunt, how­ev­er, I am over it. Get­ting labeled from stand­ing my ground, stand­ing with morals, telling peo­ple truth and being fair then being stood all over for doing so and there­in lays the boon­bane of stand­ing with truth which will become clear­er as time goes on.

I said hey you can walk home, it is only 2ks. I have told you before I do not want to be around you when you are hi like this. I’m zen you are fly­ing and nev­er the twain shall meet.  So lets just leave it there ok.

I did­n’t both­er to let him know the only rea­son he was in the car was for Snow after he had pestered me all day every day for weeks to take him there when i go, so this time it was near dusk, I had already been there for an hour or so that morn­ing and I just want­ed to grab a quick vid of the run­ning water, as I had­n’t tak­en my phone ear­li­er.

he kept try­ing to start to weave on the way back but each time i would say I’m tired Pauly, i just want to get home. I pulled into the com­plex and drove up to his unit..I stopped and said catch you lat­er.

he just sat there, think­ing and star­ing at me. I could see the clock tick­ing and wheels turn­ing. I realise now he was look­ing for a new in. I real­ize now as I watch it all again in Video full colour for­wards back­ward slow motion and fast for­ward..

I am grate­ful for that abil­i­ty. Now I see the scari­ness that I did­n’t see before in my naive thoughts that every­one would be like me in the heart.

I don’t always catch things when they hap­pen, usu­al­ly for good rea­son. Some­times a blank expres­sion is the best pre­sen­ta­tion and if I haven’t seen it, I haven’t reg­is­tered it and my face has not shown that recog­ni­tion. Lat­er as I sit and do the post mortem on var­i­ous things, like here I have full clar­i­ty and recall of the event. This time I look at their faces their expres­sions their thoughts and what they are REALLY say­ing.

I am watch­ing his face as he looked at me, I can see it grow­ing tiny into sharp focus on one thing me, and fish hooks he had in my to tug on.. Not many.

once again he reached over to touch and pulled back sharply with his child­ish voce say­ing the same rhetoric he always spits out “oh sor­ry she said not to touch her.. speak­ing in third per­son..

that is his weave jump­ing from one to the oth­er, pulling you into his weave and I found out lat­er from oth­ers about his oth­er key “the touch”. Learn all about that hor­ror here

See once before when he was high he came to my unit door for some­thing and I was stunned, I don’t often see Auras but this day he was in a height­ened state and a ugly crim­son chalky aura was trav­el­ing along through his skin as he talked in tune to what I call now “the weave.. it is sim­i­lar to the one i see on my daugh­ters but theirs is beau­ti­ful like Kiras aqua one when she gets all excit­ed. … this was an ugly dank colour on paul..  Find Aura’s here in my aur­al epis­tle

around that same time he bought a paint­ing to me and said I had to hang it for him in my home because he had paint­ed it him­self. I looked at the paint­ing and shud­dered. The frus­tra­tion the rage and anger  anger oozed from every stroke.. it glowed a chaot­ic anger .. I said no thanks, to Pauly, and i said i could see anger in it and I would­n’t put anger in my home..

and he said, total­ly with­out real­is­ing WHAT he was say­ing

“oh no, when I first start­ed paint­ing it I was real­ly angry but I was hap­py again when I was paint­ing and fin­ish­ing it see, its good, I want you to hang it here”

some peo­ple do not know about ener­gy or pre­tend not to so i just left it at that and left the paint­ing against the wall in the front room  that I was­n’t using.

think­ing back now ouch.… hell hap­pened on in that room after the paint­ing arrived and then had moved on to a new home..

and then anoth­er mem­o­ry that just came back .. my plan­et paint­ings.. I scrapped many and some I put in a sec­ond pile, to be edits, repaint­ed, improved lat­er and they were lying under my spray table in my out­door stu­dio and Pauly picked two up and said Ill take these,  You don’t want them.. and he picked up two I had scrapped because .. pur­pose, I know what is inside me .. I paint­ed them after a 6 month cam­paign of ter­ror and being held hostage. I paint­ed all that emo­tion into those works so much so  you could see the red blood spat­ters all over the painting..I made sure I burned them that night.

I said no one touch­es those they will be burned.

I remem­ber now think­ing then oh jeez out of thir­ty or so can­vas­es sit­ting there you pick the two with anger spells in them to be burned on the stake and destroyed not passed on to spread that rage and per­pet­u­ate it.…

All of my paint­ings are paint­ed with love and I always feel chuffed to see that love spread and some­one pick my work to hang in their space.

Then Paul said some­thing that shocked me. He said you know that paint­ing you gave me last christ­mas of the plan­ets.

wow, I said why did you do that… and he said, I had the shits with you when you came back from Cairns and accused me of being in your house and I hat­ed you so I burnt them.

and this is where the Tol­er­ance Para­dox comes into play and the dan­gers over accep­tance over truth. Please Click Link to read my take on the dan­gers of the Tol­er­ance Para­dox espe­cial­ly in a Pagan heal­ing dam­aged com­mu­ni­ty.

At the time, two to three years ago. I was very dam­aged, an adult­hood of beat­ings, gaslight­ing and hav­ing every­thing I have cre­at­ed stolen, I had just lost my hus­band to can­cer, I had been accused of mur­der­ing him because two of my hus­bands had died pre­vi­ous­ly, I was evict­ed the week of his funer­al after ask­ing more time to pay my rent as i had just lost half my income and the hus­band earn­ing it.

His chil­dren broke into my car­a­van where I lived and stole my per­son­al things and then his daugh­ter came with a posse of about 30 to the park I lived at and demand­ed me come out of the van where nitro and i were sit­ting shak­ing so she could punch my head in for killing her dad *note num­ber 2 on the evic­tion notice /causing a dis­tur­bance. Then i had the big broth­er stan­dover man drug deal­er “call me” because he want­ed to speak to me about refus­ing to give his sis­ter my hus­bands ash­es.

Lets just say . hor­ren­dous times.. I lived in a tent for a year in the mid­dle of floods and covid in a day in and day out sur­vival mode before com­ing here. I had moved away from my chil­dren to give them auton­o­my so this is the first time EVER I have been alone in life with­out a man “to pro­tect me” or fam­i­ly to do the same.

I was vul­ner­a­ble, very and as strong as I am, I had deep wounds I need to lick and heal. So it was a giv­en that SOMEONE would take advan­tage, it comes with the ter­ri­to­ry of givers and tak­ers, but what shocked me is how many tak­ers there are today.

I’d say I would of had VICTIM in neon lights above my head. Nah I know I did.

A few months back I walked into My Mag­ick­al Mess at Howard near Her­vey Bay qld, and said Hi to an old friend and witch Cindy. She was talk­ing to a cou­ple of witch lit­tle old ladies who remind­ed me of some tv show some­where, so Archy, I mean they were so Archy that they saw my bald head and tiny frame and both sidled up to me twist­ing their hands togeth­er with glee, reach­ing out to touch me, there is that touch again.  one of them said, “Oh dear do you have can­cer love” as they both anx­ious­ly await­ed my sad reply. Noth­ing benign about these feed­ers, it oozed off them in some hocus pocus night­mare car­i­ca­ture real­i­ty.

I just stared back at them both, wait­ing for me to play their vic­tim so they could feed off the mis­ery. No, I answered, I just like shav­ing my head. They instant­ly froze and sidled back­wards and dis­ap­peared out of the shop.

Cindy caught it, noth­ing was said but she smiled that lit­tle secret smile. We were talk­ing for a minute catch­ing up with Goss on her coven and shop and my lit­tle haven hap­pen­ings.  and she said I have to say you are look­ing fan­tas­tic Magi. I grinned and said,“normally it’s that response that your lit­tle sucu­bi gave me”.

She laughed and said no, last time I saw you, you were like a lit­tle wiz­ened old lady, all shrunk­en up and old, now look at you stand­ing there in war­rior stance shoul­ders up.. you look 20 years younger. I looked puz­zled, I thought i looked old­er with the shaved head and lets face it, I have lived a bat­tle life and got the scars to prove it. I always said Crow­ley meant “the woman with the scars on her body” not stars. Cindy was right though, I had worked through some hor­ren­dous past and cur­rent hap­pen­ings since she had seen me, I had con­ver­sa­tions with source and I was ok with it all and hap­py with me.

All that inter­jec­tion about me for for a rea­son, my two oppos­ing mind­sets. One of a per­son bruised and dam­aged cur­rent­ly who with­drew into a shell, basi­cal­ly dis­con­nect­ing the cur­rent that is. ie; Instinct fore­sight fore­warn­ing, which allowed me to fur­ther become a vic­tim again of the Tol­er­ance Para­dox.

and the Sec­ond me now, reborn born­less, after cut­ting the thread hold­ing me to “what I HAVE to do” to “What I do when i do it how I do it where I do it but its all my way” and becom­ing sharp as a tack on a rose.

and now it rolls out.. the weave s unwo­ven..

As I was build­ing my yard and out­door areas and stu­dios up, Pauly would go through my yard pick­ing items up say­ing “you don’t want this! it would be bet­ter at my place” and go to walk off with it, plants in pots, gnomes, doo dads, tools, my bits of life .. I would often see him the back going through my rub­bish pile I had ready to go to the tip every month.

One wom­an’s trash is anoth­er’s trea­sure I say, so that did­n’t phase me. Maybe it should of though?

Thirsty As — Click for my take on Thirst and Thirst Quench­ing Incubus. 

The best one was a few weeks back, I have a table out front of my kitchen win­dow where my seedling sit and at the moment because I am using pow­er tools I have two round saws, leads and angle grinder on the shel­tered table and under it. Also on the table is the bird and chick­en feed con­tain­ers and a cou­ple of odds and ends. A few weeks back I bought a set of roof racks for my tiny Rio and some ratch­et­ty things and new rope, the rope was on the table wait­ing on the install of the racks.

First, anoth­er Archy The Crow walked up to get me to help him get a refund from ergon. The only time the guys around here will come near me by them­selves is if they need some­thing tech done, like refunds and any­thing online. So I fixed the crow up, got him a thou­sand dol­lar refund and he walked out all hap­py and pleased, saw my green rope all nice­ly coiled and picked it up and said “you don’t need this I will just take it with me”

Yes, my head is still spin­ning on that one. Even sit­ting here 6 weeks lat­er writ­ing this. More on that and the Avatar & Adven­tures of the Arch of The Crow

So my head spun even more off the Richter Scale when Pauly was in my gar­den at Christ return­ing bowls I had giv­en him meals in, he saw my green rope on the table, picked it up and said “You don’t need this, I will just take it over to my place”.

Snap, “hunter col­lec­tive con­scious­ness”

so some­how no mat­ter how many times I said no.. some­how he now has my pas­sion­fruit vines grow­ing at his, my mul­ber­ry at his and rhubarb at his.. I did­n’t mind…

it was only 30 metres to go pick what i want­ed off them that was the deal..and ..I have shit­ty soil…  but now?

I had just spent well over one thou­sand dol­lars to bring in per­fect veg­ie gar­den soil that turned out to be just shit chem­i­cals which burned killed and stunt­ed every­thing i plant­ed .. tox­ic waste dump .. the only toma­to i got i picked was black inside.. how to take the heart out of a cre­ation.. rip the cre­ator off on the way…

over­all it felt threat­en­ing. Every­thing I have ever built has been stolen and tak­en from me. and now on my rebuild, I have stream­lined every­thing. I had and have the basic nesses­si­ties and when i had the chance, for the first time ever i built for my future, my chick­ens, their coops, my shed, my green­house and hun­dreds of plants and seeds to ensure hat with a bit of hard work and no more input I could pro­duce a nev­er end­ing source of life herbs flow­ers native trees fruit trees .. and I stocked my art sup­plies so in win­ter I can paint and cre­ate kiln fired glass magick..I was build­ing a com­pact eden.

I bought tools most sec­ond hand, a new chain­saw and I was so proud of it. Every­one around here was shocked and said why buy it.. I said “because each time I asked you ass­es if I could bor­row yours, you ALL said no and you pulled your man act on me. Oh no you might get hurt, oh no i havent got time to go chop wood, haha mag­gie you with a chain­saw look at you.. So now i can chop wood and no one can put me in the cor­ner… I will be warm in front of my fire..

now they all say . geez your gar­den looks great Mag­gie, it is awe­some, I see you out there work­ing hard.. I just say thanks and keep going and think how nice it is to bring some­thing nice to oth­ers when doing some­thing sole­ly for myself. See my gar­den of bro­ken dreams is all about the sun­flow­ers, and me walk­ing out my door to a burst of yel­low and green sun­shine, it makes me hap­py and now I know it makes oth­er peo­ple hap­py.

Even after the shit­ty soil, the ‘nado wreck, lack of good water my heart was still there..UNTIL .….the day I went out to build the shed and there was miss­ing bits that were there the day before, it start­ed to be a chore again..

the stress of replace­ment the wor­ry of who stole parts to thwart me not for any oth­er reason..and the vio­la­tion of me, yet again. Anoth­er bro­ken dream.

And now that takes me back to me not lis­ten­ing to to some­one who knew — my Sis­ter The Queen Bee
at the time Mel “looked” and said are you sure it isn’t Pauly, I see him.

 

Part 2 “Who has been sleep­ing in my bed” Com­ing Short­ly