Category: Major Chaos

The Rest

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Published 2009

I am sitting and sinking into the luxury of the huge comfy bottle green armchair in my own

bedroom in my own home as I write this. I look around and I am proud. I am proud, proud of my family, proud of my new home, proud of my friends, proud of myself and the journey I undertook to get here.

My house is sparsely furnished but it still has a comfortable homely feel. I have made it a home despite my limits. I have landed on my feet despite the step off the abyss and the long fall into an uncertain future. The children are happy.. they laugh and smile. Slowly the anger is leaving their lives to be replaced by joy, happiness, wonderment, learning, friends and family and most importantly.. respect…

My life is once again touched by the sun and cooled by the warm summer rains. My emotions are as calm as a tropical beach in winter with palm trees gently swaying in the soft breeze. The hurricanes and whirlwinds of pain, fear and torment which scream blindly out of nowhere creating devastation and destruction are out of season and gone from this new life.

Last week I stopped at a local store to buy some milk and bread and while there, I had a joke with the Store owner. I walked out of the store and realized I was laughing. I threw my head back and laughed harder at the thought, almost skipping my way to the car. I was laughing… what a sweet alien sound to my ears.

I smile a lot these days. I smile at nature, the beauty that surrounds me and the people who entwine my life. There is some pretty special people there. Some who are walking with me on this journey were always there. I was just too blinded by pain and fear to see them clearly. The support and love I have from those people wraps me in a blanket of warmth that gives me the strength to carry it all forward, throughout whatever life puts before me on my chosen path. Some who are walking with me are newer to my life and their blanket of warmth is just as soft as those who have always known me, the ones who have always accepted me as being me.

I realized something important in those pain years. I think I always knew but the terror years stamped it home for me. You only get one life. Life is change, yet once lived cannot be changed. You owe it to yourself to make it happy and fulfilling. You owe it to nature and all which created you to make it the best it can be. If your house had a piece of furniture that didn’t fit, was ugly and horrid or dangerous, you would take it to the dump and remove it from your home. Life is like that furniture.

When surrounded by the horrid and dangerous, things that make you sad then take them to the dump too and rid your life of them. Surround yourself with love and beauty. Surround yourself with assets not liabilities. Surround yourself in happiness.

I can say that now with no qualms and no guilt. Do I have regrets? I will always have regrets but none are of my own guilty conscience. My soul is clean my heart is whole.

I did the best thing I could do with the tools I had at the time. I was faced with the hardest choices of life and the hardest pathways to pick from. The path I chose was not the easiest by far but the journey and the vista along this pathway is the one that gets better with every step forward taken.

 

I love my life.. it rocks…and everything and everyone surrounding me now in life makes it special ..including you all.. thank you to everyone reading this. Thank you for being there and shining that light in my darkest nights

 

The past is gone forever, the future is uncertain but the present is a gift….. treasure it………