42 reflections

Appar­ent­ly Tom missed my birth­day on the 21st of Novem­ber so many of my friends also missed my huge event….

I final­ly made it .. 42 years old…. the mean­ing of life.. and tru­ly I can say the mean­ing of life is clos­er than it ever has been for me.

Mt Keira tak­en from my favourite Moun­tain the world. Mt Nebo-
I grew up on the foothills of Mt Keira and Nebo. Keira is one of the twin sen­tinel moun­tains of Wol­lon­gong.

This years going to be the year of changes for me. Plans are in the mak­ing for me to leave the farm and to trav­el many more miles back home. It is easy said than done and there is quite a few walls and obsta­cles put in front of me. Ulti­mate­ly I want to be home with my fam­i­ly. I want to be near my par­ents so they can spend more time with their grand-kids. I want to be near my daugh­ter.

I want to be near my children’s fam­i­lies so that they can spend time with their cousins and aun­ties and uncles. I want to be near to my friends, the friends who have been there for me for many many years. I want to be near the sea again. I want the sea breeze in my face and the moun­tain at my back. I want to feel the sand between my toes at the “mag­ic beach” I want to be able to go and buy milk at 3am. I want to dri­ve to the beach. I want to sit by the har­bour and eat ice Cream or fish and Chips with my kids. I want to go swim­ming iwth them in the rock pools. I want to go fish­ing off the jet­ties and rocks, alone with my thoughts. I want Shay­la to start Opera lessons and take steps towards her dreams of being an Opera singer. I want Kalean to find his niche in life. I want Brodie to get his help to get through life a lit­tle less alien for him. I want to go out to din­ner at a Mex­i­can Restau­rant. I want to be a part of the city but still retain the coun­try. I want my chil­dren to share the mag­ic that I expe­ri­enced. I want my chil­dren to learn and see the beau­ty of this land.

I want to vis­it my sister’s grave and sit in the peace and qui­et of the lush green hills sur­round­ing it. I want to ride on the back of a Harley again *grins* and pos­si­bly buy my own Harley. I want to explore. I want to have fun. I want to enjoy my fam­i­ly and friends. I want to be free from hate and hurt and sad­ness. I want to be free from tears of ter­ror.

The city of Wol­lon­gong and the ocean from Mt Nebo

My mother’s recent cri­sis slapped me in the face. I do not want to dwell on regrets so the best chance I have is to make my life what I want to make it. It is my life, the only one I have got. I can’t get anoth­er chance at it all and I fig­ure that a hap­py life is much bet­ter than being sad and down all the time. Or even dragged down.

Mt Kem­bla From mt Nebo. Mt Kem­bla is the oth­er twin sen­tinel. The two moun­tains with Mt Nebo in the mid­dle over­look Wol­lon­gong

I can’t ever go back to that cri­sis point where I made the choice that I did that polar­ized me through the gates of hell but I do now have the chance to move for­ward with some spe­cial peo­ple back in my life. I can’t take back the last 16 years but I can cer­tain­ly make the next 16 years hap­py and con­tent.

Mum is out of hos­pi­tal. She has two blocked arter­ies to her heart and her blood pres­sure still goes up and down like a yo yo. She is too weak to oper­ate so the heart spe­cial­ist is hop­ing that med­ica­tion can help unclog the arter­ies. Mum’s kid­ney are dam­aged but still work­ing.. to an extent..

My Sister’s Grave – It was 20 years this month since she died. it feels like yes­ter­day. I took that pho­to of her that is on her grave. Krys­tal was in her arms

The doc­tors couldn’t under­stand why mum didn’t have a stroke last week. They said she had the high­est blood pres­sure that they have seen 300 over 160. Mum is still weak and finds it exhaust­ing to car­ry out the sim­plest tasks.

Swan Lake – An hour south of Wol­lon­gong

So yeah.. I want to be clos­er to mum….

42 is the point where I look back and reflect and use every­thing I have learned to move for­ward into sun­shine.

Wol­lon­gong Har­bour with Mt Keira vis­i­ble in Back­ground

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